Since becoming a mommy, I have a checklist running in my head. And I’m not talking about the one that goes like this:
“Get up, get dressed (maybe), bathroom alone (maybe), take Buddy to the bathroom, change Tank’s diaper, get Buddy dressed, get Tank dressed (after chasing him across the room 20 times), throw a load of laundry in the washer, etc. etc. etc…”
Nope, not the daily list that you would never show someone contemplating children (or marriage for that matter).
But that dreaded mommy list that is full of items like this:
1. Stay up all night with crying baby who can’t be soothed by food, movement, “ssshhhing” or song. (Check)
2. Escort / carry a stinky toddler from the church auditorium, who insists the whole way up the aisle, “No poop. Fart! No poop! Fart! No poop! Fart!” And have it happen on Mother’s Day/Baby Dedication day where you are corralled in the front three rows. (Check and check)
3. Have a baby blowout literally the MOMENT you have everyone ready to walk out the door – and will be maybe early today! (Check)
4. Go through more than half of your day with baby vomit/poop/food/urine on your own clothing – because, why would you need to pack an extra mommy outfit in the diaper bag? (Check)
And on and on it goes – through hundreds of scenarios that you can’t even fathom until they happen. And then you think (with a sigh of relief), “There. Did that. Maybe I won’t ever have to again.”
Today, I checked off two epic checklist items. The first involved vomit (lots and lots of vomit) in a moving car…on the interstate… during the morning commute. The tears flowed as Buddy cried, “Hiccup! Hiccup! Hiccup!” with fear and terror in his voice. (He never realized how horrible “hiccups” could be.) I had to pull over into the grass next to six lanes of traffic and strip my sobbing toddler, clean out the piles of you-know-what in the bottom of the car seat and wipe off everything in a two-foot radius with one napkin and a cloth baby wipe. (I had just cleaned out my car this weekend. DARN MY AMBITION!) After finding a picnic blanket with my grocery bags and a lone plastic bag in the diaper bag (always have a Target sack in your diaper bag!), I hit the road again. Said toddler didn’t act sick, wasn’t feverish and seemed happy once the “hiccups” stopped. So, we kept on with our day.
Since we live outside the big city, if I can make it in and have time to spare, I have to run errands. There’s no way around it. Even if kids are tired, it’s past naptime and mommy is grossed out from a car+vomit incident, it has to happen. So, off to Super Target we went. Got a few essentials and had just begun “the grocery shop” when, “Need pee! Need pee! Need pee!” echoed through the dairy section. And, if your dairy section is anything like our dairy section, the location cannot be worse for getting a toddler to the bathroom. (Think Alaska to Florida… no joke.) Well, we made it to the bathroom! (Win!) But sadly had a little dampness, so I changed the undies. (No big deal; I had two more pairs! Ha!) Sadly, that was not the last I would see of poop today. By the time we trekked back to Alaska to finish getting groceries and checked out, I smelled “it.” We made it to the car (where I tote around a potty chair with me all the time) and my fears were confirmed. So, I cleaned him up, unloaded the cart, fed Tank, buckled him in and walked around to buckle in Buddy. But, alas, the buckling was not to be. The smell was back and it was bad. I had no more wipes, no napkins (remember, clean car?) but PRAISE JESUS I had bought toilet paper today! So, the mess was cleaned (for the third time today) and we hit the road.
No moral of the story today folks. Just wanted to let you in the Mommy Checklist and pray your items are better than mine.
Ok, maybe one little bit of encouragement: A prudent person sees trouble coming and ducks; a simpleton walks in blindly and is clobbered. (Proverbs 27:12)
I just want to make sure you don’t get clobbered.